GENESIS CHAPTER 2
19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air, and even the plastic representations thereof for display in the windows of Japanese restaurants; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20 For the most part, that is.
21 For Adam did call all cattle Kevin, which the Lord God did think would be confusing; and to the fowl of the air he did call Pinky, which was silly; and to every beast of the field he did call Drjulathikah, which is just wierd.
22 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and renamed all the animals to something less stupid.
GENESIS CHAPTER 11
10 These are the generations of Shem: Shem was an hundred years old, no really, and begat Arphaxad two years after the flood:
11 And Shem lived after he begat Arphaxad lived five and thirty years, and begat sons and also daughters why not.
12 And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years and begat Salah, which was a very common name in those days:
13 And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and was all in your face, Shem, and begat sons and daughters.
14 And Salah lived thirty years and begat Eber:
15 And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and thirty years years, and begat sons and daughters.
16 Holy shit this thing goes on for like twenty more verses, let’s just say they were all called John.
EXODUS CHAPTER 34
14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
15 And Moses said, what? Your name is Jealous? Or you’re just a jealous god?
16 And the Lord said, both.
17 And Moses said, what kind of a name is Jealous? I’ve never heard of anyone named Jealous.
18 It’s Jewish, saith the LORD.
19 And Moses said, that’s funny, you don’t look Jewish.
FIRST CHRONICLES CHAPTER 1
1 Adam, Sheth, Enosh,
2 Kenan, Mahlaleel, Jered,
3 Henoch, Methuselah, Lamech,
4 Japheth, Japheth, Bo Bapheth,
5 Banana Fanna Fo Fapheth,
6 Fee fie mo Mathpeth,
7 Japheth!