Sweaty lunkheads vie for glory.
Texcoco wingman Kevin Malixtepinqa announced his retirement last week after thirteen seasons with the squad. He led the league in goals for for six seasons, including two consecutively in 1502 and 1503. An anterior cruciate ligament injury hobbled him for the last two campaigns, and he made the announcement after …
Dear Dad, Greetings from Kyoto! Tell Grandpa that even though he’s been here (just after the war), things have changed a lot since then. For example, there’s lots of smog, and they have beer in vending machines. Anyway, I know you wanted me to let you know when I got …
Pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, and that can only mean one thing: six months of manic-depressive obsessing over baseball! But not everyone is like me, hardened like a Turk’s brass knuckle by years of following the sport. How does a newcomer know what team to root for? …
Hey, folks. Do you know Fiasco? You should: Jason Morningstar‘s cleverly constructed, tonally perfect role-playing game (available from Bully Pulpit Games) is one of the greatest things going these days. Built for 3-5 players, with minimal dice-rolling, few rules, and no game-master, it’s perfect if you enjoy dark, cynical crime movies, film …
I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that being a witness to even the most electrifying events is no guarantee of recalling them accurately. The men and women who survived the sinking of the Titanic disagreed as to exactly how the great ship went down, even though they all saw it at …
Born: 1969. The book: 1921. The movie: 1946. The music: 1984. The moment: 1871. The look: 1988. The food: 1929. The drink: 1825. The car: 1974. The drive: 1934. The show: 2002. The obsession: 1939. The game: 2000. The country: 1776. The dream: 1968. The art: 1884. The leader: 1932. …
Okay, I know this is probably a tired observation and all that, but forgive me, I haven’t slept in four days. WHY I HATE ‘CREATIVE’ PEOPLE, CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED BILLION Watching the Olympics reminds me of something that’s been true since the dawn of competitive athletics: you don’t have to …
I like baseball. One might even say that I love baseball, although it is a love, much like that of the love I bear for my imaginary spouse of twelve years Uma Thurman, that is almost entirely one-sided. The point is, even when my beloved White Sox are not playing, …
As you may have heard from the non-giant-squid-related portions of the Internet, the E3 show has just wrapped up in Los Angeles. E3, which is an abbreviation of convenience for “Electrical Amusements Jamboree and Fun Fair”, is best described as similar to the Consumer Electronics Show, only all the prostitutes …
If only the eliminated contestants would disappear forever. If only I had written this in March when it had a tiny amount of relevance. If only I hadn’t filled out my actually NCAA brackets based on which team had the guys with the funniest names. So many regrets. Cultural Conference, …
This article is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Every time someone asks me why I hate Cubs fans so much, I’m just going to send them a link to it. It’s a perfect encapsulation of their moronic faith in a team that has achieved the status of …
Leave it to Dave fucking Eggers on Grant-fucking-land to write the ultimate paean to the horseshit “Who cares if the Cubs suck forever and ever, Wrigley Field is TOTALLY SO MUCH FUN” mentality. The thing is so reeking of sensa-wunda excrement that the not-true-since-at-least-2005 accusation that White Sox Park is …
Now that the NCAA tournament is over, sports chatter will finally be able to turn to where it belongs — the beginning of baseball season — and away from a bunch of teenagers playing bad basketball. This year’s college hoops championship game was a dreadful affair by any reckoning, but …
They thought they could kill us. The Sick Man of Internet, they called us. Yes, here they came to kill the PetardCast, but we ain’t gonna die! After a month of recovery from an illness so grave that it actually killed people who only had to hear about it, the …
With football season over and baseball season about to begin, that means only one thing: it’s time for the 2011 Funny Name All-Stars announcements! MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER FUNNY NAME ALL-STARS Chicago Fire: Corben Bone, Baggio Husidic, Kwame Watson-Siriboe Chivas USA: Kevin Guppy Colorado Rapids: Nane Joseph Nane Columbus Crew: Dilly …
