Yes, I am trying to be funny.
The soup hadn’t even been served yet and dinner was already turning into a disaster. I’d sent out the invitations months beforehand; spent a fortune on them, too. Nothing like the fortune I’d spent on promotion and marketing, of course; but the money I’d be getting back from the TV …
And now, another exciting installment in the thrilling adventures of Veronica Crowe, Expounding Detective! When we last left our intrepid girl gumshoe, she had paid a call on the sinister Dr. Song, who spun her a yarn about the existence of a buried treasure, until Ronnie, in the course of …
September 2 Dearest Annie, Last night was a bad one. We were on a recon run out by Sector 22, scouting out the new gun emplacements, when the Reds spotted us. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been — they didn’t have air support or armor — but …
With the selection of union-busting oenophile Paul Ryan as Mitt Romney’s vice-presidential candidate, the mystery of which wealthy Caucasian ideologue will stand next to him clapping for the next four months is over, and we can relax and enjoy the two make fools of themselves until whatever ridiculous decision the …
Elisa come home last week with her boyfriend. His name is Terry. She’s been goin’ out with him for eight months and she calls us up on New Years and says, oh, I’m comin’ home soon and you’re finally gonna get to meet Terry. Like we all been sittin’ around …
“Stop tormenting me, you ridiculous contraption!” WHAT IS THE MATTER WILLIAM-WORDSWORTH CANT YOU THINK OF ANYTHING “You know deuced well that I cannot concentrate on my art with your infernal chattering.” OH SO ITS MY FAULT IS IT WILLIAM-WORDSWORTH YES THAT MUST BE IT AND NOT AT ALL THAT YOU …
Stand down, oppressors! Your days of dominance are finished; your time of reckoning is at hand! You have stood on our necks for too long. You have excluded us from many of the professions; you have prevented us from becoming educated; you have made us second- and third-class citizens — …
1. Highly controversial choice meant to enrage readers, thus drawing lots of links and hits 2. Conventional but ‘artsy’ choice to prove aesthetic credentials 3. Completely ordinary choice that is actually the thing you like best, but you put it third so as not to seem obvious 4. Another completely …
“All right, let’s move on to Action Item #7.” “Why must we call them that? This is all talk. No action.” “It’s just a phrase, mighty Genghis. It is meant to remind us that these items under discussion are meant to be acted upon immediately rather than tabled.” “What table? …
I land in Pittsburgh, and can feel the strength of my destiny. I leave Europe behind me with naught but contempt: adieu to you, land of my birth, strangler of talents! You are no friend to the artist. You are a place of calcified class, of snobbery and falsely gained …
“Victor, you didn’t invite Adam over again, darling.” “Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?” “Honestly, darling, he’s just awful. We’re getting a reputation. No one will come to our dinner parties if you keep asking him over.” “But whatever is the matter? He’s well-read, a fine speaker, very polite.” …
Dear Dr. Helton, The Department of Defense staff has reviewed your application for permission to utilize your newly-developed Time Machine (US Patent #4004-BC-10100036, applied for but not processed) in order to, as you put it, “go back and kill Hitler”. We believe this project has significant merit — in addition …
Many young people recently of drinking age have asked me, in aid of attempting to ‘class up’ their weekend brunches and cock-tail parties, what are the proper ingredients of a Bloody Mary? Well, first of all, it doesn’t count as brunch if you and your stupid friends manage to find …
HOTELS High-End: Located just across the Rue Douleur from Satan’s summer place, the Hell Hilton is the place to go if you’re a visitor to the infernal regions for whom money is no object. The accommodating staff will gladly accept all major credit cards and will remind you of the …
I first met the Zodiac Killer in the fall of 1970 at a dinner party given for him by Grace Malley and her husband, Yezny Finkelblatt, head of Motion Picture Studio’s security cameras deivision. My wife of the moment, Corrida Mexia, was seated next to a lovely young co-ed who …
