Yes, I am trying to be funny.
In 2013, the ‘death of the critic’ bell that has been sounding since the birth of the internet finally reached a fevered, Chuck-Berry-style ding-a-ling. Film critics were especially hard-hit by algorithms, aggregators, and amateurism, the so-called “Five As” referred to by badly educated but enthusiastic bloggers. Stripped of the need …
This is, of course, the time that we — and by we, I mean the fraternity (am I right, fellas?) of culture critics, publicly self-disgraced and privately self-abased, look back on the year that was and present, once and for all, our picks for the objectively greatest music and films …
ED “SCUPPER” HELMOND, VICE-PRESIDENT, BAKERSFIELD CHAPTER, SATAN’S SERVANTS M.C.: “Well, I’ll be honest with you, man. We didn’t used to be called Satan’s Servants. Before this, we were the Rough Riders, and before that, back in ’49 when the club was first founded, we were actually called the Rosedale Rollin’ …
Welcome to Rapsylvania! I’m your tour guide, Sharon, and I’ll be sharin’ with you — ha ha — some of the sights, sounds and stories of this, the palatial mansion of Spin-L.P., the biggest-selling recording artist in the history of hip-hop. There is no food or drink on the tour, …
It’s not such a bad life, being a tiki god outside the Tahiti-Fa’aa International Airport in Papeete. Nobody really worships me anymore, but the hepcat money just rolls in. And I get to watch the planes come in. I wonder who’s president in America now. It’s probably not still that …
Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen. As most of you are already aware, my reputation in the Kennedy assassination research community is that of a firebrand, a rabble-rouser, and a source of controversy; to be honest, I wasn’t even expecting to be asked here, let alone as the keynote …
“Grandpa!” “Eh? Who’s this?” “Happy birthday!” “Shriver?” “No, grandpa. It’s me, Kenny. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!” “Leave me alone.” “Ninety-six years young! How are they treating you at the retirement community?” “It’s a nursing home, you cockeyed son of a bitch. Your rotten bastard father put …
I been in this game for years, it made me a mayor/I wrote me a manual, so listen up, players.
“Janet, I’m not trying to tell you how to raise your child.” “Oh, really? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.” “I’m only telling you this because I love you. Because I want to help you.” “This is ridiculous.” “You know I’m right. If you would just look at …
WAYS I WISH LIFE WAS MORE LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO V Medical bills capped at $5,000 regardless of the extent of the injury Impossible to gain weight Commercial radio still features good music, DJs worth listening to Ability to get away with even the worst crimes by hiding in a garage …
If you are like me, you have a normal morning pre-work routine that consists of checking various websites and social media, which prepares you for the day of labor by making you incredibly depressed, angry and/or resentful before you even arrive on the job. So why not monetize it? …
POSTED BY: Jess-San <jesse_popoca_401@hotmail.com>, 04:01:23 11/04/2012 [MegaPower User] SUBJECT: An Open Letter to AnimIron I’m not sure how many of you are left to read this note, but one thing I’m sure of: those who remain are those that are true to our mission statement. So it is to you, …
ADDICTION SOLITAIRE. Can you make all cards match in descending suits before the junk sickness weakens you? A delightful romp through the worlds of both heroin abuse and online card games. BLACKJACK. Play a game of “21” with a slick Las Vegas sharpster. Later, after you lose, sneak up behind …
Mark Doolittle, local historian: It really all started with the tourist trade. People started showing up from all over the country all wanting to see the “birthplace of Superman”. At first it was just snowbirds, retirees, people passing through on road trips, but word got around and the economy started …
WHY ARE JOKES, BIT ONE: QUIZ TO DETERMINE WHICH MEMBER OF THE CHRISTIAN HOLY TRINITY YOU ARE, IF YOU ARE ONE 1. My favorite food is: (a) manna (b) figs (c) I don’t eat 2. On the weekend, I like to relax by: (a) smiting the children of Israel with …
