Yes, I am trying to be funny.
Hey there, Nuremburg High class of 1919! Can it really be twenty years since we happy kampfers spent our final years as Fightin’ Teutons? Can it really be two decades since we welcomed home our fathers and older brothers and their remainig limbs from the final war Germany will ever …
“Sound off! What’s your name, asswipe?” “Uh…Alan Corwin.” “Bullshit! I can’t hear you, asswipe! Speak up like when you tell your girlfriend to tug on it! What’s your name, asswipe?” “Corwin. Alan Corwin. I’m from Document Control.” “Document Control? Is that what they’re calling it now? Bullshit! You’re a fucking file …
Dear Mrs. Oguntade, It was with joy and, I must admit, some degree of surprise that I received your e-mail of the 15th entitled “RE save our soul”. The joy, as you might imagine, stemmed from your generous though slightly bewildering offer to remit to me the kingly sum of USD$111,600,443 …
Jan 14 – The syndicate has picked up Rick Ratso! I finally made it, baby. All the effort has been worth it. I want to celebrate, but there’s already no time — I’ve got to turn in the first 2 weeks of strips by next Wednesday. Jan 29 – Good …
I sometimes think of it like he’s from a different planet. Every time he talks about how persecuted the rich are, or how feminism is turning our kids into homosexuals, or how my “people” wouldn’t understand this or that because we aren’t really part of the great Western tradition, I pretend …
A long time ago, back when the invasion of Iraq was as fresh as a spring rain and hadn’t yet curdled into the biggest waste of life, wealth, and moral authority in this country’s history, I found myself reading an editorial in the Wall Street Journal that was strongly against the war. …
Ladies and gentlemen, in keeping with our recent attempt to take this blog back to its roots, we are pleased to present the greatest guest columnist this site has ever had. We are honored more than we can express by the opportunity to present to you these exclusive excerpts from …
And believe me, it wasn’t just the other women. If it had been only that, I could have handled it. A girl comes to expect things like that from certain men, especially from an ‘artistic’ type. There was also the drinking. The temper. The strangers barging in at three in …
“Heil Hitler,” cutting through the air, bringing a chill to the summer night. I knew the voice, the curling insinuating sneer in it; there was no mistaking its owner. But I didn’t need to hear the voice to know it was Hessler. He was the only one that the men …
In the history of pornographic cinema, has the score of any film so perfectly mirrored the plot than in Adolfo Gotobed’s classic Push in the Bush? Performed by Pacoima’s own master craftsman of the bass sequencer, Lenny Stratocanticle, who met the director at one of Gregory Dark’s legendary wrap parties …
Dear Mr. Rafaelli, It is with great disappointment that I write to you today, a disappointment that I’m sure will be echoed and enhanced by your reaction to the bad news. And the news is bad indeed, because it entails (for me) a loss of nearly a year of my …
“Takin’ off the shirt, boss.” “You’re new.” “Yeah, they sent me up today. Christ, it’s hot. I’m really working up a good sweat. How does my hair look?” “Uh…okay, I guess. What are you in for?” “Nothing.” “Huh. Tell me about it. I’m totally fucking innocent, but I had this …
LOCAL MAN FRUSTRATED BY IMPLAUSIBLE MASTURBATION FANTASIES CLEVELAND (AP) — Local writer Jim Hennings, 36, blames a case of writer’s block on his inability to masturbate for the last six days, claiming that he is unable to formulate a suitably plausible fantasy scenario. “I’ve been blocked before,” admits Hennings, whose credits …
Dearest Ranjit, Greetings from America! How are you? How is your family? How is your uncle Jayanta? You should really speak to him about seeing a physician, as I am told that the gout can develop into something rather serious and unpleasant. Do you remember how poorly it turned out …
“Hey, Arzbyx, what’s up?” “Please address me as Overlord Arzbyx the Supervisor, flesh thing, or I shall have you reduced to component chemicals and utilized as cleaning solution.” “Hey, lighten up, boss man. It’s Friday afternoon!” “This necrotizer cannon is not going to build itself, Unit 46031-H.” “So, you going to …
