The Monster Math

MONSTER:  Dracula REAL NAME:  Vladimir T. Dracula, Jr. COLLECTIVE NAME:  Draculae POWERS:  immortality, flight, mental domination, control over vermin, moodiness PET PEEVES:  inability to eat aïoli FAVORITE WU-TANG CLAN MEMBER:  RZA MOST REALISTIC FILM DEPICTION:  Seven Golden Candelabras of Dracula (1958, Allied Antiques, USA) *** MONSTER:  Wolf Man REAL NAME: …

Carrie That Weight

What can possibly be gained by comparing the two film versions of Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie?  Beats me, but their recent and sudden appearance on Netflix streaming, combined with vague curiosity and less vague boredom, led me to find out.  I’m an unapologetic booster of Brian De Palma, and a …

You’ll Wonder Where the Humor Went

UNHELPFUL MNEMONICS 1.  Every Grotesque Ballardian Describes Fascism 2.  Malicious Vegetables Elude Motorist Junkers’ Stronghold?  Ultimately, No. 3.  Klonopin Is Salacious, Shalimar 4.  Thirty days hath September, quickly grasp my throbbing member, slide your hand ‘pon thither and yon, then consult this sheet of paper I have written the number of …