Do You Have To File? Of course you have to file. What, do you think you’re special or something? With your fancy lawyers, or your inability to speak English? You think that means you don’t have to pay taxes? Well, surprise, surprise, Mr. I Think I’m Exempt From Government Regulations: …
Hello, nerds! Welcome to Seattle. In honor of your arrival in my town, and in lieu of the original content I had oped to present to you on sunday at ECCC, I present to you “Taking Acid and Talking About Superman With a House Full of Thalidomide Castoffs”, or “Jimmy Olsen’s …
In earlier times, one had an easier conscience about being a person than one does today. People were like cornstalks in a field, probably more violently tossed back and forth by God, hail, fire, pestilence, and war than they are today; but as a whole — as a city, a …
It was Eddie Wolz who first come to me with the idea. He says his brother Chick has this guy needs a favor. A long time ago, before Chick Wooley was on the cover of Look, this guy done him a favor, sort of helped him get over in the …
To: Dr. Carl Wynand <cwynand@sci.duke.edu> From: Dr. Alyssa Stark-Palatine <astark_p@sci.duke.edu> Subject: Progress on Project Bedtime Carl — I appreciate the time and effort you put into Project Bedtime. And I know it’s a prestige project; it’s already a big name in the journals, and there’s a lot of Hollywood …
“Hey!” “What? I can’t hear you.” “HEY!” “I can’t hear you from up here. Let me come down there.” “You can’t park that thing here.” “What’s that, friend?” “You can’t — what is that thing? You can’t park that here.” “I thought this was a parking lot.” “It is, but…” …
The first-time visitor will, first of all, want to blend in, and second of all, amass a large personal fortune under the local economic system. This allows the advance scout to make preparations for the invasion in privacy and solitude. Don’t be taken in by counterproductive rhetoric: money does matter. …
“Greeting.” “Counter-greeting, establishment of identity of Speaker #1.” “Polite inquiry establishing identity of Speaker #2?” “Confirming statement. Expansion on answer to place setting and time.” “Response to set up reader expectations; deliberate invocation of mise-en-scene.” “Affirmation. Background information providing exposition.” “Counter-reference expanding on previously stated expository material.” “Vague invocation of …
Hello, I’m Gary Owens. You may remember me as the voice of beloved cartoon superhero Space Ghost, or from my many appearances on television’s Laugh-In. But what I’d like to talk to you about tonight is no laughing matter. It’s Labor Day Weekend, and as I do every year at …
I’ve never particularly cared for those ubiquitous lists of “Rules for Writers”. (If I did, I’d probably present this one as more or less definitive.) Luckily for me, I am not much of a writer, and no one is sniffing around this site in hopes of getting a hot tip …
Joy: Still got your seaman’s papers? Lllewyn: Yeah. Why? Joy: If the music’s not… Llewyn: What, quit? Merchant marine again? Just…exist? Joy: ‘Exist’? That’s what we do outside of show business? It’s not so bad, existing. — from Inside Llewyn Davis Lately I’ve been thinking about Zen Pencils. Normally, I don’t …
“Taylor.” “Chief, I know. It’s just that…” “Taylor. Don’t talk. Listen.” “All right.” “What is the press going to say?” “…” “You can talk now.” “The press will say what we tell them to say.” “They’re not going to buy this, Taylor.” “You always said that journalists were dumb, chief.” …
To the voters of the great state of Montana, I, Horace Nettleton, campaign manager for the Great Azkar, have been ordered to issue this statement to you in hopes of clarifying certain issues which have recently come to the public attention. It is to be hoped that when each of …
The question came over a week ago, from one of my oldest friends: why don’t you write about politics anymore? At first, it struck me as an absurd thing to ask: don’t I write about politics all the damn time? Didn’t I write for one of the internet’s spunkiest lefty …
Life takes you in strange directions, it cannot be denied. I myself used to be a liberal, and a communist before that, in the days when it seemed worthwhile to care about things. But I am an old man now, and it profits me neither in mind or spirit to …
