“Hello?”
“Is this Wanda?”
“Yeah…who’s calling?”
“This is Andy!”
“Uh…”
“You remember! Andy! From high school!”
“I’m afraid I don’t…oh, wait a minute.”
“See, you remember!”
“Oh, my God!”
“Uh huh!”
“Oh, my God. I remember you and Marty Leffler stole that garbage truck from the city vehicle impound lot…”
“Right!”
“And you filled the back of it with half-melted caramels you got from the dumpster at the Brach’s factory and let them sit out in the sun for, like, three days…”
“Five!”
“No way!”
“For real.”
“And then you ripped off those, what were they, fire extinguishers?”
“They were freon dispensers.”
“Right, and then you drove over to Dean Schneider’s house and threw weighted raccoons at his window until he came out to chase you…”
“He wasn’t the dean then. He was the principal!”
“Oh, awesome! And then we he was running behind the truck, you opened up the back and he got stuck inside this huge gush of molten caramels…”
“He was like a fly stuck in amber, man.”
“And then you and Marty sprayed him with the freon dispensers and froze him solid and brought him to the gym!”
“Yeah! Exactly!”
“Man, that was the best homecoming ever.”
“Uh…we didn’t do it at homecoming.”
“What?”
“That was Andy Horowitz who did it at homecoming. I’m Andy Scheffman. I did it for junior prom.”
“Oh. Uh, oh. Okay.”
“Yeah.”
‘Well, uh, what’s up?”
“Actually, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime.”
“Geez…I’d love to, Andy, but I’m married now! I married Ben Kiesler.”
“Are you serious?”
“Well, you know, we dated all through high school, and…”
“When did you date Ben Kiesler? I thought you went out with Gary Bowman.”
“I never dated Gary Bowman.”
“Wait, is this Wanda Horvath?”