And now, ladies and gentlemen — but especially ladies! — it’s time for an exciting set of Wisdom Flirtinis from the adorable pink leather-bound notebook of Betty Ray Insensata, the Feminist Who’s Unclear on the Concept!
“A woman without a man is like Lance Armstrong without a bicycle.”
“People call me a feminist whenever I express opinions.”
“The act of a woman standing up to give someone else her seat on the subway is radical, whether she calls herself a feminist or not. (I don’t.)”
“Feminism is committed to gaining near-equality for women, assuring safe and legal abortion for those who can afford it, gaining productive worker hour freedom, acknowledging racism and feeling really bad about it, stopping violence not involving women, ending bigotry based on acceptable and non-perverted sexual orientation, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Whenever you guys get the time. No rush.”
“We ask justice, we ask equality, and we ask in a very polite voice. Nobody likes a pushy dame, am I right, girls?”
“I used to go on college campuses 25 years ago and announce I was a feminist, and people thought it meant I believed in free love and was available for a quick hop in the sack. Now I go on college campuses and say I’m a feminist, and half of them think it means I’m a lesbian. Boy, these college kids sure have me pegged!”
“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings. And human beings were not descended from monkeys! Which is what I’d like to talk to you about today.”
“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. We’re just really not on the ball! No wonder the men are still in charge.”
“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women. And really effeminate gay men, as long as they help us with our wardrobe.”
“A feminist is a person who answers a qualified ‘maybe’ to the question, ‘are women human?’.”
“Feminism doesn’t encourage women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, or become lesbians. But you wouldn’t believe the networking opportunities.”
“I’m not a feminist, but…well, actually, that’s all I got. Sorry.”