To 78.5% of the Girls I’ve Loved Before
IN WHICH I COMPARE WOMEN I’VE KNOWN TO POP SONGS BECAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF HIGHLY ORIGINAL, NON-OBJECTIFYING HETERONORMATIVE HEPCAT I SWING TO BE #1: You were “Harden My Heart” by Quarterflash. You were by the first band I ever saw in concert of my own volition; and you were, …