Buy It if You Want to Stay Healthy

Hey, cats and kittens!  My new book, If You Like the Sopranos, is out today!  Your local bookstore is just waiting for you to stop by and pick up a copy; you can also order it online from, among other places, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell’s, and the publisher, Limelight Editions.  Get it at once:  here’s why.

1.  It is a good book!  Even if you’re not the world’s biggest Sopranos fan, you will enjoy the maxi- and mini-essays about great crime films of the past and trends in crime fiction heading into the future, as well as analysis of how The Sopranos helped changed television for good, and hundreds of recommendations of other crime-story media for your enjoyment.

2.  It is a cheap book!  It costs a mere $15, which let’s face it is like three cheap Subway foot-longs.  You probably spend that much on bourbon before lunchtime, or at least you do if you are anything like me.

3.  It is a timely book!  Not in the sense that it focuses on a television show that went off the air four years ago, but in the sense that it looks at a lot of modern developments in crime fiction, and also it is being released just in time for the winter holidays, in which you are often obligated to buy gifts, which this makes a perfect.

4.  It is a groundbreaking book!  By which I mean, it is the first of a series of If You Like… books by Limelight Editions, which likewise recommend new paths and passages to follow if you’re into various iconic pop-culture phenomena.  Future installments include If You Like Monty Python, by the AV Club’s Zack Handlen; If You Like the Terminator, by my good friend and film critic/movie janitor Scott Von Doviak, books on Metallica, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and South Park, and, hopefully, my future masterpiece, If You Like Pink Lady But Not Jeff.  I’m honored to have written the first book in the series; help it get off the ground by buying in!

5.  It is a lovely book!  Lime green and scarlet:  who doesn’t love that color scheme? If it’s good enough for android superhero the Vision, it’s good enough for me!

6.  It is a book I will sign for you!  It is a book I will doodle in for you!  It is a book I will talk about on your blog, your broadcast interview show, your podcast, or your creepy talk show that you host in your basement with mannequins that have pieces missing!  For the right price, it is a book I will read to you aloud during bathroom breaks at your place of employment!

7.  It is a book I wrote!  You can buy it in order to support me and my poverty-stricken lifestyle to prove your friendship, or to destroy in some bizarre access of strangely personal hatred!  I don’t care what you do with it, just buy it!